"Weary travelers. Care to take a quick rest?"
"This might be your last chance to gear up before the VAMPIRE and the VAMPIRE HUNTER start a fight between all the guests here, you know!"
First in line, Lay's Chips spoke:
"They're still going to fight!? That doesn't sound good at all-! Can't you two do something to stop them...? The nice witch will SURELY be upset from this...! I don't know what money is, but I don't think it'll work like the Mister said..."
"If you don't like the violence, you can just stay out".
"Between you and me... the REAL winners will be the ones who don't get involved, and that's exactly what we're doing - with a little profit on the side, hehe!"
Thinking of a way to help diffuse the situation, redaer comes up with an ingenious plan:
"No need! I'll simply deploy a few of my patented Conflict Defuser Mk 1 to resolve this situation peacefully."
redaer also decides to deploy one more contraption, just in case: "Alternate version of no. 1 in case I was wrong about Suvillan's favorite. I'll leave both of them out to be safe."
However...
Whoopsies! Nice try, though.
A- for effort, S+ for giving the pets a treat.
Taki said: "I'd like to climb in a cardboard box, and you tape the open end shut once I'm inside."
IHATETHEANTININO said: "It is good to see that you are using your talents for the cause of virtue and living up to your name as the good doctor. I wish to minimize bloodshed in this quarrel, please assist me in this task."
The Cat also chimes in...
This does not help you in the slightest.
Reader, now a GHOST frog, floats to the revival services and croaks: "Hello, *ribbit* yes, I'd like one (1) revival, pretty *ribbit* please."
It looks like the Vampire hunter's side now has a LIVING frog as an assist.
However... your HP has not recovered in the slightest.
You've merely been revived, but not healed! It's kind of your fault for not being more specific with your wording, you know.
Once again, you dangerously skirt the line between life and death, as one does.
Then, leiirue, a very sickly looking, late guest, runs towards the weapon stand and grabs a steak knife: "I could win against you all if I got the jump on you."
And then...
And so...
Never in your life shall you fall ill ever again.
"Actually", the doctor spoke, "you may be healthy now, but that doesn't mean it's safe to discharge you just yet!"
He then writes you a note to take two-week off for rest, and also prescribes you a healthy diet of only green vegetables and dairy, for whatever reason.
"You'll surely be able to participate in a battlefield more properly once you REALLY recover", he concludes.
You have a feeling that this guy isn't a real doctor.
It looks like you've been sent out to enjoy a stress-free vacation, anyhow.
May you see brighter, healthier days outside this dreary mansion!
A concerned Wight approaches the pair, seeking advice:
"Hi, yeah, could I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... can I get um... Can I get the biggest axe you have? I heard that I can get my very own Solis for laying down my life in the name of evil. Now that I think about it though, I'd feel bad betraying Selene's team after receiving such a precious item from her... What do you think I should do?"
This bodes well for the Hunter's allies!
Meanwhile, pikarai walked up to the shop and grabbed a sword of their very own: "This'll do."
Suddenly, Ashenchromatic sneakily approached, and...
How astonishing! A development so astonishing that Wight decided to artistically record the moment from another perspective.
A genius play from the Vampire's side.
Bravo. 1-0.
Having finished the assassination, Ashenchromatic approaches the shopkeepers: "Hi, how much is the doctor? I would like to buy the entire doctor. I am willing to sell a toaster for it."
The Doctor revives and fully heals you, for the price of one bloodied toaster.
In another side of the room, the MIME enters, with the knight nevermind3476 in hand... who attempts to creatively free themselves from potential peril.
Witch's Cadence said: "Do me a solid and give me a ladybug please."
Having managed to set themselves free, nevermind3476 then seeks a hiding location...
FluxicEnk approaches the shopkeepers: "Uh, yeah, I'm so sorry to bother you, but have you seen this guy?"
Embracing their new role, FluxicEnk continues: "I've just been hired as a jester and my first decree is to 'beat him within an inch of his life'. I dunno what kind of jester is violent, but this dude scares me more than anything. So I think I'll take my chances with this hammer if you'll let me- uh..."
In response...
Meanwhile...
She is a little disappointed she could not recruit that clever cloaked guest to fight alongside her, but it is of no issue.
After all...
Seeing the numbers of the HUNTER's reinforcements, those recruited by the VAMPIRE began to panic...
Everyone: FIGHT!
Witch: Speak to the crowd.
Next.
Next.
Inky spoke first: "My best guesses are..."
Five kindly bestows upon you one little Moonie Roll as thanks.
Mysteriousmaverick also handed in an answer...
Finally, pikarai, Ashenchromatic, Phoebeufford, nevermind3476, and a Reader, submitted their answers...
Next.
You almost sense danger in this spell, despite her beaming smile.
Even though you did a GOOD JOB answering all correctly, it appears you may be crushed to death under an avalanche of sweets as a reward...
But then, Spinachlette interrupts the audience at the last second possible with a most surprising answer.
Five: Cast your BEST MAGICAL SPELL YET.
Don't ask how - it's magic.
"Well, I'd better go sort that out, or she's going to get a stomach ache eating that many sweets at once", said the mentor.
Now that the witches have finished their business...
Next.
Monster army: Deploy shadow.
Next.
The impact happens to deal 1.00001 HP damage to the frog, who had naught but 1 (one) HP left, killing them instantly.
A devastating double-loss for the monster team.
Monster team: Attempt to recover from losses.
Smart thinking to develop such technology, isn't it?
Next.
"I am a man of love, not war!" cried one desperate Solis.
"WE DON'T CARE", the crowd shouted back.
Jester-to-be: Try to fight.
Jester-to-be: Try, try, try harder!
They try very, very hard to.
Luckily, their meek opponent looks like they'd allow Enk all the time in the world necessary to pull this off.
Jester-to-be: KEEP TRYING!
"NOOOOOOOOO", cried a revived soldier, mourning the loss of yet another valuable soldier on their side.
Just another easy victory for the human team, as it were.
Next!
Suddenly, a cry rings out from the monster side...
WIGHT falls, never to awaken again.
Next.
The little Ghostie, still struggling with the Unknown Object, seems like she's finally being of use to her team.
At last, the monster side takes a victory!
Then, out of nowhere...
Ghostie: It's nothing more WILD GUN SHOOTIN' can't solve, right?
Oh, how balanced!
"Clearly, this calls for more extreme measures", thought the Count.
It is time to deploy the WINGED.
Winged: Sever the enemy.
This fabulous technique makes the two sides even again.
Human side: Attempt to retaliate.
Hunter: Give PEPTALK to dwindling army.
Next.
It would be funny if it wasn't so unfathomably stupid.
Next.
Ghosts: Try to be relevant, still.
"Quick, Solis! Mitosis!"
Solis: Respond.
"What the HELL are you talking about?"
It looks like the capabilities of the Solii were indeed vastly, vastly overestimated.
Next.
It is no doubt an event too gory to even depict.
But it's surely cool and badass and awesome and-
The battle continues to be rife with stupid losses and even stupider victories, no doubt following the ongoing pattern as closely as a failing student copies a nerd's homework.
A struggle so meaningless that it can no longer be depicted, so meaningless that the Mentor Witch finally decides to intervene.
Next.
Magic: Happen.
Murmurs of ghostly confusion fill the space, except for one despairing voice...
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?", shouts Solis-Prime. Perhaps he is the lone soul who understands the consequences of committing such magical, rule-breaking actions.
The other ghosts continue to show much more subdued reactions to this development.
"Ah, this is so miserable."
"I guess there's no point in fighting anymore."
"Well, we are all equal in death, human or monster. Or frog."
Next.
"After being forced to share a moment of peace like this, I finally realize..."
Next.
"Oh, yeah! That doesn't sound too bad, actually."
Next.
"Cheers!", yelled the spectral crowd, happy to enjoy another moment of relevancy at last.
Next.
Doctor: Revive.
"You guys should be on your way now."
They aren't even graced with a revival, much less a proper farewell.
Cat: Equip.
"I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS!"
"We're supposed to be part of a greater tale, you know."
"What would happen to all of that if you all just left?"
Unbeknownst to most...
What horrors they've witnessed, it is certain no one would believe it.
But at least, they are alive...
And yet...
"A wicked witch who commands life and death lives in that mansion" - were they to utter such nonsensical words, they'd surely lose all respect for believing in an "obvious superstition" like that.
It now dawns upon them that, perhaps this fate they chose, this ongoing torment by forbidden knowledge, is just another form of death.
They will live, but never to tell the tale.
And as for you, dear observer...
Perhaps we will meet again on another night.
For now, allow me to send you off.
Happy Hallow's Eve.
And remember, even after you close this window...
End.
I'm dead bruh
I hope you liked the update! No refunds.
I absolutely did.
I died fighting for what I believe in (Hot Single Skeletons).
When the seagulls cry, none will be left alive.
Farewell, ARIA-Beatrice.